The kettle is a regular Billy Dee Williams

I made the mistake of falling asleep on the couch last night. Maybe this has something to do with my feelings of silent desperation and hockey hair. (No, I don't have feelings of hockey hair. I got in enough trouble from feeling Mr. T's hair.)

Some of you may appreciate this, which I briefly mentioned at a Happy Pirates practice some time ago: Pay particular attention to elements T and Tv.

Let's questioning. What does everybody do when, even though everything is outwardly going well, you feel like you need to unleash a Mighty Headbutt (tm) on the world? I have this feeling of unfulfilled-ness and discontent despite all the cool stuff that's going on. Maybe it's a midlife crisis. Maybe I just need to throw a brick through somebody's window. Could it be yours? Eh, I'll settle for mine.

I'll change the mood from self-pity and try not to make it saccharin: "I know that I'm not alone / The treasure of my heart is calling on the telephone / I've got my friends around me, they don't seem to hate me yet / My family lends me cash and they're not strict about the debt." I like rock 'n' roll bands that can package a real good message in a reasonably weird ...uhh, package. Pain is one of those bands, and I wish I could write like that. I guess I have written like this a little bit, with my ill-fated song "VCR Nomad." But Pain makes it seem effortless to talk about drawing half-boy half-rhinoceri and apply it to our own lives without hammering the idea into my skull.

Happy Pirates was good-like. My mind decided to tell me "Hey, you totally had an off night!", which may be true, but it does no good to dwell on it. So I punished my mind by drinking a few gallons of Drano. Sure, it maybe caused some serious liver damage, but to that I say "acceptable losses!" The next time you see me, I'll likely be a lovely golden color. If any of you try to pan for me, though, I'll likely find it highly inappropriate. Or, I don't know, mildly amusing, depending on who you are.

I felt the power of the PHANTOM MULLET today.