My mind goes in odd directions sometimes. Over the break, I had a lot of free time and "nothing" to do. So I would have some days where I didn't even get out of the house, which led to a general, not-easily-put-into-words sense of dissatisfaction with myself/what I've become/what I'm doing. This was a hard problem to solve, but today I started thinking about my married brother, and how he and his wife have been caring for their newborn and not really getting out and about. I had been thinking that maybe I was disappointed because I wasn't being social, but my brother and his family haven't been doing much of what I'd call "social" in the normal sense. So I revised my opinion into "You need to make somebody happy." This sounds really people-pleasing and unhealthy to my ears, so maybe I should revise it again to "You need to show love for somebody."
Unfortunately, now my brain has started asking me to fill in the blank: "If you show love for somebody, then finally you will __________."
I think the only thing stopping me from being an emo kid is that my mind likes to be more confusing than straightforward when I'm having issues. ...Also, I'm not skinny enough, and I'm too lazy to grab any Dashboard Confessional or whatever is emo right now.
(P.S.: I wrote one time in my journal about an emo-lookin' kid in the college concert band I played with right after high school. He bleached his hair or wore a different sweater or something, so I wrote that he went from "sensitive black" to "weepy orange." It occurs to me now that these would be possible "threat level" colors if Michael Chertoff (yes, I had to look his name up) went emo.)
(P.P.S.: The emo kid played euphonium, or "emo-nium.")
